Saturday, 3 May 2008

Rant - can people at least engage brains before asking stupid questions? (Or: Paging Andy Rooney)

I read several different development blogs and message boards, such as those associated with,, IBM DeveloperWorks, and so on. Usually pretty useful both for learning new techniques and keeping an eye on what other people are doing. Several of the boards, particularly on CodeProject, have been getting hot and bothered lately about the declining quality of questions being asked on the public lists; one large category of these is "affectionately" known as "homework questions'. These usually aren't for actual classwork. A more typical scenario seems to go like this: Sanjay is brought into an outsourced project because his agency assures the client that he's a hotshot — fully qualified in J2EE, PHP, XML, RPC and LSMFT (obviously a key qualification, but since the client HR person is neither technical nor over 40, it just appears to be "tech jargon.")

The client manager thinks, "I'll have to let a couple of my other guys go to stay in budget, but if this guy can save our bacon, it's worth it." Sanjay starts one bright Monday morning at 9.00,, gets the usual here's-where-things-are spiel, sits around (billing time) waiting for his computer to be set up and connected to the network (these things almost never happen before the warm body shows up), and by 1 PM is browsing the codebase for the project. By 1.30, he's on the Web, posting questions on sites that make it absolutely, crystal clear that he wouldn't know his ear from a hole in the ground if you gave him a flashlight, a map and six hours' head start.

The most extreme example of this I've personally witnessed was when I was part of a team consulting to a major Southeast Asian telecoms firm, working on integrating the homegrown billing system that one division used into the (telecom-)industry-standard one used by most of the rest of the company. This benefited greatly from knowledge of Java, of both Linux and Windows, and especially of the commercial system which was the target for the migration. The firm which produces this system, in true Java-ecosystem fashion, offers their own training which leads to certification in various aspects of the system. The team had a good mix of knowledge and experience, with the single yellow flag being that the major new-system expert was a member of the client's staff. After being encouraged to bring our own domain expert in (apparently so the client could reassign the existing one if desired), our headquarters (in India) found the "perfect guy". He had Java and J2EE certificates. He had a BSCS from "one of the top universities" in India. He had all the certifications the vendor offered. Oops, they were all for the previous version of the system....but this guy could, on paper, walk on water as far as our project's needs were concerned. So we flew him out from Bangalore. We had, as I recall, six weeks before major schedule slips would hit the fan.

A month later, my team manager and I sat watching this guy type in sample programs from the manual, try to build them, watch them fail, erase everything and start over. The manager said to me, "well, why don't you and (the junior guy on the team) start trying to pick up the pieces? Maybe you can pull something out." Then we noticed something else that was interesting. The client manager kept saying nice things about the "expert", how diligent and hardworking he was. He started taking the expert out for lunch and so on. My manager and I were in shock: this guy had already cut into the project for thousands of dollars and had yet to produce a single project artifact. Worse, in our view, his "experience" and "qualifications" were obviously complete fabrications. Headquarters (back in India), however, wouldn't send out a replacement because they had been told that the client was happy with the guy. We started looking around for brown-projectile-proof mackintoshes, anticipating the storm sure to come. And it did, eventually — shortly after the "expert" failed to follow explicit, idiot-proof instructions on how to extend his visa so he wouldn't have to go back home. Instead of buying a round-trip bus ticket to Singapore, he bought a one-way ticket, later claiming he wasn't sure which bus he'd want to take back up. The Singapore immigration officials blocked him from entering Singapore as they had no reasonable assurance of when he'd leave. The Malaysians wouldn't let him back in because his (tourist) visa had expired that day and he'd need to enter another country before reentering Malaysia. After several frantic midnight telephone calls and (I was later told) negotiation and pleas from our firm and the client, he was unceremoniously dumped on a plane back home, and our firm was billed for a full-fare coach ticket. The client manager became upset because his buddy, the "expert" was nowhere to be found and on no notice, at that.

Why am I blathering about all this now, several years after the event? My ire was raised by one of these "homework questions" I'd mentioned earlier, this time posted on the WeberDev general PHP forum. Entitled "Which is compatible PHP or Java with SQL SERVER 2005", the writer, using the nick "kumarsudu", starts out with...

Hi All, I would like to know which one is have compatible 1. PHP with SQL SERVER 2005 2. Java with SQL SERVER 2005 as i have to develop a project, ...

As another popular forum's members often ask, "how many WTFs are there in this message?" The mind reels. Asking totally nonsensical, absolutely open-ended questions on technical sites and lists is now at a flood stage not seen since the AOL infection of the Internet back in the early 1990s. The writer, besides the sterling specificity of the question as mentioned earlier, shows little knowledge of or interest in proper use of the English language (despite ample materials and information available online as well as off).

It pains me that:

  • a person of such deliberate ignorance and lack of brilliance would not only choose to waste my and other readers' time with the request to do his work for him;
  • any contracting agency would have such miserably low non-standards that this guy would even get the time of day, let alone a job for which there are an ample supply of other (by definition more qualified) candidates for (granted, they may have to raise their pay to a level higher than a fast-food burger-flipper);
  • any client company would not only pay money for such an individual, but continue to do business with the "recruiter" that brought him in;
  • there are no project-local, competent individuals whom this writer could ask for help, who would apply appropriate informational and organizational responses to the question; and finally
  • that the prevailing business contempt of software development has sunk so low that this type of thing is more unusual for the fact that anyone bothered to notice it than that it happens at all. Would you want to fly with an airline whose pilots were the cheapest available, using forged certificates and qualifications to highlight (non-existent) experience? If your answer to that question is anything less emphatic than "hell no!," please inform me of your flying plans so that I may ensure that I am neither flying nor anywhere on the ground along your route during such a flight.

The "project" mentioned by the initial writer, if performed by individuals of this apparent calibre, is highly likely to fail — wasting the client's time and money, leaving the client wih a problem that still needs to be solved, and continuing to erode the opinions of the client and the client's associates of the business value of software, since, obviously "IT projects always fail."

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